Father’s day is a little tricker to write about than Mother’s day. Biologically Fathers aren’t required to give as much to the whole project, especially when compared to the biological sacrifice of Motherhood: Pregnancy, depression sometimes, massive physical changes always. The undeniable fact that mothers can almost always fulfill the post-pardum duties of fatherhood, (check out the moms who turn out to swim meets or Little League games)it is very rare for fathers to pitch hit for Moms, these facts make the whole conversation about fatherhood a little bit slippery. Many men, no matter how many children they have issued essentially opt out of being a parent once the pregnancy is a fact. My Dad was a good man: smart and interesting, but essentially he turned over all parental duties to my mom. His job was to make money and give a good chunk over to our mom whom he thought of as the CEO of the children.

So what do Father’s do? Other than the fact that they can’t do much of anything a Mother can’t do… I think that Father’s are biologically the champions of independence. As the father of an infant it starts with being the harbinger of fun. Think of a mother as the one who cuddles us and fathers are the ones who lift babies above their heads and eventually throw them into the air to make the baby laugh. Dad’s at their best study fun and try to pass that on to the infant. Fathers job is to work on the fact that eventually the child will have to break away from the mother’s parental close identification with the infants psyche. “Here we are,” the mother says. “Here you are…” the Dad says as he throws them into the air… with all the assurance in the world that they will be caught. “Here you are in reality, thrilling and a little bit dangerous.” When dad’s play new games, he is saying essentially… “I will always love you but in fact with each tick of the clock you are getting closer to being on your own.” Thrilling. But dangerous, like your first ride on on two wheel bike. Father’s are the magistrates of “Wheeeeeeeeee!”

We know dad’s are this way because most everything in pop culture shows that Dad Culture has always been a little ridiculous: Dad jokes, Dad pants, Dad cooking pancakes in the shape of animals. Again moms can do all these things but Dad’s are just a little bit more gaudy. Dad energy is goofy. Dad’s continue to speak in ridiculous accents days after the Pink Panther movie has been watched. Mom’s don’t encourage children to talk like Clint Eastwood in school. Dad’s will think nothing of it. Mom’s rarely encourage their boys to wear Hawaiian shirts. Yet men still do, Where do they get that trait? From their Dad’s obviously. Moms are about snuggling close. Dad’s are about breaking away.

Arthur Basham Straley on Father’s day, showing off some big Dad Energy with the help of his Grandma “Mimi” Basham who dotes on him.

My Dad was also a sad man at times. Perhaps that comes from the awareness of status and the inherent tension of breaking away from the civilizing force of motherhood.

Here is an old poem I wrote years ago when I learned this Latin Phrase which mean’s “The tears of things” perhaps this too is an understanding of our inheritance from our fathers.