Rain today after some beautiful days of sun. The fireweed are in full bloom but are bent over from the rain and the wind. The blossoms are thinning at the top and I’m afraid that when I return from Seattle in three weeks they will have mostly gone to seed. It has been a good year for the berries and we have enjoyed lovely jelly each morning. Up high on Harbor Mountain the blueberries are barely ripe while down here at tideline they are starting to grow soft on their stems. The buttercups are still cheerful in the green grass and up high the lupin hold bright pearls of dew most of the morning as clouds roll up the hills. Lovely summer and I don’t want to leave.
My poor brother is saying goodbye to his beautiful wife of more than fifty years. She is at her end of a gallant fight with cancer. My brother was an oncologist and suffers from too much knowledge, and too much of a need to try and save her. But there is nothing more to be done. My sister in law is kind, graceful, and elegant. She will be that way during this transition as well. Jan and I will do what we can to help.
My sister Martha came to visit for my sixty sixth birthday. Jan arranged her travel for my gift. It was a wonderful thing, we sat and talked and walked, picking a few berries and looked at the flowers. My sister is much smarter than I am, and I always enjoy talking with her and reconnecting. I love getting her opinions on books and the news and on the people in our lives. It makes me feel so lucky all over again to be the baby in a big family. Friends came for dinner and we ate a terrific meal out on the deck and when it started to rain we laughed and moved under cover, shoulder to shoulder cramped together in too small a space, which was all the more lovely as humming birds dodged and darted at my polka dotted balloons hanging under the eves.
I gave a toast saying only, “It’s been a tough year, and the only thing I’ve learned is this: love is the only thing that really matters. Thank you all for being my friends. Thanks especially to Jan for bringing my sister Martha who I love as much as life itself.” Which is true… and I drank from my bubbly water then we ate Italian Cream cake that Jan had made that very day, which made me cry with happiness.
On Monday I start my ketamine infusion therapy down in Seattle. I have no idea what to expect, but I have heard very positive reports. As I have said I will try to write about it as long as I am not tripped out or too exhausted. Why? I guess I want to let people know about these types of therapies and what you too should expect if you want to give it a try. Millions of people suffer from depression and most of them do not take up arms against it for fear that they will appear weak or whiney. I get that, and I understand. But it does not help. Getting help, helps, and I am in favor of getting help.
So stay tuned. I will let you know.
A male humming bird
landing on a red balloon.
Only love matters.